Time to bury this and the previous post under a bunch of unrelated posts.
When I was younger, I always expected negative outcomes so I wouldn’t be disappointed if the worst thing happened. If good things ended up happening, I could be really happy and thankful and could feel that much better about it.
Over the years, I have become a more hopeful, positive person. People generally like positivity. (just so everyone knows, my computer has positivity underlined in red like it’s a misspelled word. oh, technology laughs at me.) People have told me to be more optimistic, so I have made quite an effort to be. It’s biting me in the butt now.
I’m having trouble distinguishing genuine thoughts from motion thoughts. You know, motion thoughts are those thoughts that people share to just go through the motions of saying things, usually to make situations not as awkward or unfriendly. This has been a frequent problem, especially lately, but I would just like the world to know that I have very good eye contact and I can still sense lies and falseness.
For a while, I think I just told myself to have hope until I eventually believed it. The problem with that now is that I am so much more disappointed when things don’t work out. In my younger years, it was just an expectation.
Maybe this is just one of those self-preference things where I like my way better than what people tell me. Like when people told me to wear more colors because it made me look prettier. Screw you, I’ll wear what I want.
This is stupid, and I wish I was less of an awkward rain cloud on tumblr at night time.