the-thoughtful-clarinetist said: Please stop being rude to kids on this site. They work hard every day to get better, and mocking them is not cute or funny. At all. Ever.
You are totally right. I was trying to make a joke (essentially “you can’t complain about your boring part if you didn’t make first chair”), and it failed miserably. I meant to attach that “first chair” snark joke to the thread I eventually posted - the one where people were ranting about how awful my music was - but I accidentally attached it to the original picture of one of my parts, removing any context for what I was responding to. Not that it would have made it okay.
Of COURSE I was kidding (I wouldn’t write a 4th chair part if I didn’t think it was important!) - but it was mean spirited. I was upset by those “his music is boring and awful” comments, and angry about them, so I made that first chair joke because it was all I could think of in the moment. But when you make a joke when you’re angry, you make a mean joke, not a funny joke, so it’s not surprising that what I wrote was taken badly. My comment was not okay, and I’m sorry I made it.
I quickly realized how dickish and insensitive it was, and I tried to edit it to clarify that I was kidding (how could I not have been kidding?!), then I deleted the whole thing, but by that time, the damage was done, as it had already been reblogged all over Tumblr. So now not only am I the composer who writes boring music (admittedly this could be true - not every piece is going to be a gem), I’m the composer who thinks you suck if you aren’t playing first chair (not true at all - have you seen the 2nd bass clarinet part to any of my pieces?!).
I guess there are two lessons here:
1) If you write something nasty on the internet about somebody, that person will likely read it.
2) If you’re upset and try to defend yourself with humor - like I did - you often make it worse and spread new nastiness to people whom you didn’t intend to hurt.
I already knew lesson 1. Consider lesson 2 learned.
this world is too full of misunderstandings.
this shit crayyy.
I still remember susanalbumparty.
Time to bury this and the previous post under a bunch of unrelated posts.
When I was younger, I always expected negative outcomes so I wouldn’t be disappointed if the worst thing happened. If good things ended up happening, I could be really happy and thankful and could feel that much better about it.
Over the years, I have become a more hopeful, positive person. People generally like positivity. (just so everyone knows, my computer has positivity underlined in red like it’s a misspelled word. oh, technology laughs at me.) People have told me to be more optimistic, so I have made quite an effort to be. It’s biting me in the butt now.
I’m having trouble distinguishing genuine thoughts from motion thoughts. You know, motion thoughts are those thoughts that people share to just go through the motions of saying things, usually to make situations not as awkward or unfriendly. This has been a frequent problem, especially lately, but I would just like the world to know that I have very good eye contact and I can still sense lies and falseness.
For a while, I think I just told myself to have hope until I eventually believed it. The problem with that now is that I am so much more disappointed when things don’t work out. In my younger years, it was just an expectation.
Maybe this is just one of those self-preference things where I like my way better than what people tell me. Like when people told me to wear more colors because it made me look prettier. Screw you, I’ll wear what I want.
This is stupid, and I wish I was less of an awkward rain cloud on tumblr at night time.